Hot Take: Melo’s Escape From New York

I’m in the market for a #7 Thunder jersey this season.  The thought of rocking that baby blue rag on my back makes me sick, but what’s a guy to do? Carmelo Anthony was traded from NY to OKC for pennies on the dollar last week, and my sporting heart is broken to pieces.

The Knicks have been on a downward slide since their trip to the finals when I was 16, so Melo was truly a pleasure watch year after year. Sure, the front office was a mess. The head coach was nothing but a puppet for that old pot head Phil Jackson to jerk around, and the talent pool was severely lacking until the Latvian Unicorn came to town. But the constant every year in Manhattan was #7 tossing in three’s from 40 feet away.

Real talk, I enjoyed Melo’s unabashed chucking. He can splash it from anywhere on the court.  Piss poor defense and all he’s the reason the Knicks won a handful of games the last few seasons. But with all the scoring gone, what’s next for Gotham’s beloved squad of perpetual losers? I’ll tell you. We got younger bringing back Timmy Hardaway Jr., drafting rookie PG Frank Ntilikina, and standing behind Porzingis’ choice to get stronger by playing European ball all summer. We brought in some veteran knowledge in Jarrett Jack and Mike Beasely. Joakim Noah’s old ass is apparently healthy in the front court, and the Melo trade brought in Doug McDermott and Enes Kanter along with a second round draft pick. Youth is apparently the angle heading into this season.

I predict our boys will win 28 games. No playoffs. Double digits assists from Frank Ntilikina and healthy scoring from Hardaway on a nightly basis. A few highlights a game and a shit load of turnovers. Many depressing post-game discussions between Alan Hahn and Wild Wally, and tickets available for the cheap.

I have the NBA league pass, so expect me to stream plenty of Thunder games in the privacy of my living room while a shy tear streams down my cheek every time Melo The God cashes it from deep. I love you Carmelo, no matter what the NY media says…


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